tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55449712011-04-22T02:14:04.254+02:00Adventures Of The Masked WaiterWhat happens to non-tippers and rude scumquestionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comBlogger1981100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1075596424889264352004-02-01T01:47:00.000+01:002004-02-01T01:48:41.950+01:00And now I find myself typing in the last entry on this blog. I hope this blog has been educational (for all you waiters as well as non-tipping scum), inspiring (I tried my best with my creative rhymes and puzzles), but above all I hope that this blog has been fun to read. Thanks for all your emails and links. I`m sure the superhero in me will never be gone…stay tuned for the updates…questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1075509199728639882004-01-31T01:33:00.000+01:002004-01-31T01:34:55.810+01:00I passed on all my syringes and my scum hit-list to the other delivery driver. He`s more than competent to take over from where I left off. However he seems to be less lenient than myself, he doesn`t agree with giving scums 3 chances before adding them to the list. He`ll soon find that his list will be too much to handle and he`ll be too busy to take action against so many one time offenders.
questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1075421111750826002004-01-30T01:05:00.000+01:002004-01-30T01:06:47.200+01:00There were some bratty kids who were throwing snowballs at passing cars. Whenever they hit a car and it stopped, they would run off and come back to do the same again minutes later. Something needed to be done otherwise there would be an accident. So I parked my car nearby and put on my self-made mask. Then when they were busy making the snowballs I crept up to them unaware, and rushed them questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1075371368222890242004-01-29T11:16:00.000+01:002004-01-29T11:17:42.936+01:00I would like to commend those who have tipped me in the past. I have always done my best to reward your generosity. I would love to publish my list of good tippers on this blog but it would be longer than the blog itself, plus it wouldn`t make very interesting reading to you.
I finished off the rest of my superglue on a scum who not only doesn`t ever tip but always asks us to give him his free questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1075245962577842282004-01-28T00:26:00.000+01:002004-01-28T00:28:07.810+01:00I`m counting down my last days at the restaurant but that doesn`t mean any slacking as the Masked Waiter. If anything I am determined to get even with all those scums for the final time. I won`t get another opportunity after this weekend.
A scum ordered a delivery tonight and I squirted urine all over her door handle as well as her car door handle. And her food? Well you should know me by now! questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1075159895217024422004-01-27T00:31:00.000+01:002004-01-28T00:15:47.996+01:00Hell yeah, I got the job! I went for my second interview today and was told to start next Monday. I will be working as a trainee assistant at the publishers of a Chinese newspaper based over here. The pay isn`t much better than at the restaurant but it`s only a starting salary and I hope to work my way up. I only regret that my dad couldn`t see me get this job, I never amounted to anything in hisquestionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1075072907338835542004-01-26T00:21:00.000+01:002004-01-26T00:23:18.623+01:00Time for another waiter joke, you`ll like this one.
A man in a restaurant orders the house special. An old waiter brings out the order beginning with some hot soup. The customer notices the waiter has his thumb in the soup. Feeling sorry for the old man he doesn't mention it, and leaves the soup uneaten. When he brings the main course his thumb is in the potatoes. Then in the coffee. Finally, hequestionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1074989415642012642004-01-25T01:10:00.000+01:002004-01-25T01:11:46.030+01:00Thank you Kai for this email:
Best of all wishes on that call back interview! Please be sure you let your faithful fans know how you fare.
Sincerely,
Kai
www.princessagave.blogspot.com
I have my follow up interview on Monday and I`ll let you guys know the outcome. I`ve called my mate who arranged the interview and I promised to treat him to a meal whether I get the job or not. I just wish I questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1074909934521073182004-01-24T03:05:00.000+01:002004-01-24T03:07:04.090+01:00Thanks to Marissa for emailing me the site with the solution to the missing pound puzzle (see January 20th entry). This is the solution:
The initial charge was £30. It should have been £25, so £5 must be returned and accounted for. £3 was given to the 3 diners and £2 was kept by the waiter, there you have the £5. The trick to this riddle is that the addition and subtraction are done at the questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1074814981207307152004-01-23T00:43:00.000+01:002004-01-23T00:44:29.123+01:00Happy new year to you all! It`s the Chinese new year today, the year of the monkey. I get asked how to say happy new year in Chinese every year so please make the effort to remember this! It`s KUNG HEI FAT CHOI. There, you can impress the waiter next time you visit your local Chinese.
I got a call from the publishing company this afternoon asking for a second meeting. A good start to the year!
questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1074740736602678692004-01-22T04:05:00.000+01:002004-01-22T04:07:04.186+01:00I got the table from hell tonight. Usually you find there is one rude jerk on a table, but to find 4 is just downright unlucky. Unlucky for them that is! First there was the stuck up woman who asked to try the wine and then said “well it`s drinkable!” Well the Perrier water you ordered was also drinkable even though I spat in it. Then the other woman kept calling me over when I was busy serving questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1074641589225154362004-01-21T00:33:00.000+01:002004-01-21T00:34:35.293+01:00I went for my interview for the job at the publishing firm this afternoon (see entry on January 13th). It was more of an informal chat than an interview. When we got to the question about my work experience I just gave an honest answer and told him I had only been a waiter. I don`t know if I got the job, I doubt it but we shall know within the week.
Thanks for the tip number 40, you are off the questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1074557025065993892004-01-20T01:03:00.000+01:002004-01-20T01:05:26.343+01:00I saw this conundrum on the tv this morning and it is still baffling me:
3 men ask for the bill after a meal at a restaurant and discover it is for £30. They decide to split it equally and so each contribute £10. However, the manager realises that the waiter has made an error and that the bill is actually £25 so he asks the waiter to return £5 to the 3 diners. The waiter is quite sneaky and doesnquestionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1074472946538160002004-01-19T01:42:00.000+01:002004-01-19T01:43:50.576+01:00I received another email yesterday. It reads:
I stumbled across your site today and LOVE IT. I was a server for many years before having my daughter and would have loved to have something like your site to read while I was dealing with non-tipping and unappreciative scum, to use your word. Waiting tables in the southern United States meant slaving away for loads of trailer park living, ranch questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1074386450927901102004-01-18T01:40:00.000+01:002004-01-18T01:42:14.153+01:00McDonalds have got a new commercial highlighting their cleanliness. Yeah right! My first job was at McDonalds and I can tell you stories that would put you off their burgers for life. Food which was dropped on the floor was used. The water used to wash the burger-making equipment was so dirty you couldn`t see your hands when immersed. I used to get a lot of attitude from the customers there so I questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1074299836374405132004-01-17T01:37:00.000+01:002004-01-18T01:19:45.513+01:00There were so many non-tipping scum on my delivery rounds tonight that I had to refill my syringe with urine several times. I ended up spilling some on my trousers! I hope no-one noticed the smell! Memo to self; get some disposable gloves from the petrol garage on your next visit. Piss-stained fingers still stink after several washes!questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1074212966284669752004-01-16T01:29:00.000+01:002004-01-16T01:30:47.530+01:00Things that piss me off:
1. Rude scum.
2. Non-tipping scum.
3. Customers that come in minutes before closing time and then sit for a couple of hours.
4. People who chat for ages before even opening their menu. Please order first and then chat later!
5. Scum who finish off a dish completely and then complain that it tasted terrible. I think they`re trying to pull a fast one!
6. People whose mobilequestionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1074124215461307832004-01-15T00:50:00.000+01:002004-01-15T00:51:35.420+01:00Be warned, I am not alone! A site called www.guerrillawaiter.com has been brought to my attention. The site isn`t completely finished as of today but the manifesto is definitely worth a read. Also appreciate being on your list of links. I look forward to hearing about your adventures stateside. questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1074037594402186192004-01-14T00:46:00.000+01:002004-01-14T00:47:53.403+01:00A message for the scum that lives at number 28. If you`d just let me add on the £1 onto your bill and didn`t say anything about it I probably wouldn`t have done anything to your food. But you had to check the total like the tight scumbag that you are and then you made the error of asking for the £1 to be returned immediately. Now that I know you always check your bill, I have no alternative but questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1073957048759656752004-01-13T02:24:00.000+01:002004-01-13T02:25:27.153+01:00I got a call from my friend and he had arranged a job interview for me next tuesday with his contact at a publishing firm. Though it all sounds quite good I`m not expecting anything to come out of this. You see I`ve been let down so many times before that I`ve evolved to have this pessimistic attitude. questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1073866419445264072004-01-12T01:13:00.000+01:002004-01-12T01:20:51.200+01:00I got an email from a reader called Laura a few days ago. I appreciate any email I get as I`ve only got 4 so far, and one of them was junk mail! Anyway, here`s the email plus my response:
hey there,
um...i guess i'm not shocked (per se) by the goings on from behind the curtains in restaurants. such is life. i've friends who have told me similar (if not quite so extreme/frequent) stories of questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1073780907156466302004-01-11T01:28:00.000+01:002004-01-11T01:29:43.483+01:00A rude scum ordered a capacino and when I explained that we only do regular coffee she went mental on me! "What kind of shit restaurant is this?" she shouted. Eventually she settled for a regular coffee but was moaning all the while. Well madam, this restaurant is the one that the Masked Waiter works at. The only thing shit is your attitude. For your information I spat in your coffee and blew questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1073701165723758362004-01-10T03:19:00.000+01:002004-01-10T03:20:41.263+01:00What a coincidence! Yesterday I was telling you about the manager taking steps to sue the dickhead who smashed one of the windows. And in today`s newspaper I read an article about a crazy suit claim. It was about a female customer of a restaurant in Philadelphia who sued the manager for £60,000 when she slipped over some spilled drink and broke a bone. The drink was spilled by herself when she questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1073647974850718502004-01-09T12:32:00.000+01:002004-01-09T12:34:09.606+01:00Over the Xmas period a drunkard smashed one of the restaurant windows. He cut himself badly and ended up in hospital needing stitches. The cost of replacing the windows was £800! The police asked the manager if he wanted to take legal action to claim this cash from the offender. Then a couple of days later, the police called to say the offender wanted to sue the restaurant for not fitting the questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1073519455419712622004-01-08T00:50:00.000+01:002004-01-08T00:52:09.216+01:00I made a mask from my old blue lycra shirt. It`s a bit like the balaclava-type mask Spider-man wears but in dark navy blue. Also the eye-holes are smaller to not give any of my identity away. I am thinking of using it when I have to take revenge on scums`homes after my work when it`s dark enough. I truly am a masked superhero now!questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1073449366086369172004-01-07T05:22:00.000+01:002004-01-07T05:23:58.653+01:00Another phantom menace has emerged. It was another of those hoax telephone orders. I arrived at the address to find the local pizza delivery boy already there. The lady of the house explained that someone was making all these hoax orders and giving out her address. She said that she`d already sent away 3 other deliveries and 2 minicabs! What is certain is that this menace has a grudge with this questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1073346909226514302004-01-06T00:55:00.000+01:002004-01-06T00:56:20.170+01:00I haven`t used my bottled urine for a while and I`ve noticed that the smell gets stronger and the colour gets darker too. I`d better use up the rest of the stash quickly before it becomes harmful. Not any scums on tonight`s watch so if I can`t get rid of the stuff by tomorrow I`m going to pour it away.questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1073260503126483172004-01-05T00:55:00.000+01:002004-01-05T00:56:13.856+01:00No girlfriend to look up on my first day off this year so I set off to take action against the worst of the scums on my hitlist. First stop was the bitch accountant`s house (see entry 15th November ). I squirted superglue on her Jaguar windscreen. Next I went to Mrs Oliver`s at number 9 (see entry 17th December ). Again I used superglue on her car. Sorry to be repetitive but since I`m not questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1073179885926179772004-01-04T02:31:00.000+01:002004-01-04T02:32:35.280+01:00Update:
My girlfriend left me on the 27th December which explains my last rather pissed off blog entry. I also needed time to myself so I`m sorry for leaving you guys so suddenly. Don`t worry, I didn`t do anything stupid! I just needed some time to reflect and get over the split. Anyway, I saw in the new year with my mates at one of their houses. I got chatting to them about wanting to get out ofquestionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1072570646459209892003-12-28T01:17:00.000+01:002003-12-28T01:26:14.903+01:00Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I`m fucked off with the world! I can`t fucking see a future! I want to fucking end this life! I am fucking depressed beyond words! Not a fucking good day! Not a fucking good life!questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1072486486977366782003-12-27T01:54:00.000+01:002003-12-27T13:06:59.403+01:00A very good Xmas spent catching up with my friends who thought I`d forgotten all about them. I wish I could see them a bit more often. As the song goes I wish it could be Xmas everyday! However, I made my excuse to go to the toilet everytime the group started talking about their jobs. How can I compare with their high flying careers? I would imagine the conversation sounding something like this:
questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1072313439606361432003-12-25T01:50:00.000+01:002003-12-25T01:51:38.826+01:00Well I`m off for 2 days now! The Masked Waiter is well and truly knackered as we say here in the UK! I will be spending Xmas with my lady so I won`t be able to add to my blog until the 27th. So before I go I just want to wish all you readers a very merry Xmas and I hope you all tip well when you eat out. A couple of the scum who didn`t tip me tonight will be spending Xmas sitting on their toilet!questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1072227236743727192003-12-24T01:53:00.000+01:002003-12-24T01:54:54.920+01:00Things got a bit heated in the kitchen tonight when one of the chefs made an error and the other chef started screaming at him. The fact that it was very busy tonight didn`t help the situation either! The manager stepped in to defuse the situation and everybody carried on as if nothing happened. However, there was still a tense atmosphere in the kitchen afterwards and there was an uncomfortable questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1072137190944608132003-12-23T00:53:00.000+01:002003-12-23T00:54:08.093+01:00Spare a thought for those who have to work through the Xmas period. My work is stressful and I don`t have sociable hours but at least I get to spend Xmas with my family. The Salvation Army do a brilliant job in looking after pensioners and the homeless over Xmas. Please give a donation to help fund the good work they are doing, a very worthwhile cause. If you are the usual scum who doesn`t questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1072052396545093082003-12-22T01:19:00.000+01:002003-12-22T01:20:53.216+01:00A taxi cab driver came in for a meal yesterday and left a very good tip. I also deliver to a lot of cab drivers in the area and they are all brilliant tippers. I think it`s because they rely on tips to support themselves as well. This got me thinking about how they deal with non-tipping scum. I mean, it`s easier for me because I can just fuck with your next meal if you offend me but it must be questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1071968431956283332003-12-21T02:00:00.000+01:002003-12-21T02:01:27.950+01:00What`s worst then sampling some of the Masked Waiter`s urine? Sampling a drunk stranger`s piss off course! I had just finished with a syringe of my urine on a scum`s meal when I noticed a drunkard urinating against the side-wall of the alleyway next to the restaurant. Once he stumbled away, I drew up a syringe-full of his piss from the large puddle he left behind. It wasn`t long before I had to questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1071883768012492532003-12-20T02:29:00.000+01:002003-12-20T13:39:05.233+01:00I wished a regular tipper a very merry Xmas and then spotted the star of David on their window! I hope that they weren`t offended, I only just discovered that they were Jewish tonight! I`m sure that they understood that my mistake was genuine. Anyway, if you are reading this number 77, I am truly sorry if I offended you. Thanks for the generous tip tonight and I hope you have a good time over thequestionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1071793779502997642003-12-19T01:29:00.000+01:002003-12-19T01:30:33.076+01:00Really good tips tonight so I can`t complain! I even told one customer that they didn`t need to give such a big tip as I felt a bit guilty about taking it. I treated him to a free liqueur after his meal.
I was having a chat with another customer he told me he worked at another restaurant which was managed by one of Princess Diana`s ex-chefs. He was telling me that they too take action on regularquestionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1071705036753518272003-12-18T00:50:00.000+01:002003-12-18T00:51:28.983+01:00Dear Santa,
I would like better tips for all delivery drivers and waiting staff this Xmas. I would like all non-tipping scum to suffer the worst diarrhea imaginable for the whole of 2004. As a delivery man yourself who doesn`t get a tip at all, I`m sure you understand my frustration.
questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1071618072364193432003-12-17T00:41:00.000+01:002003-12-17T00:42:03.716+01:00There`s a bitch of a tipper called Mrs. Oliver who lives at number 9. Once I added a pound onto her bill due to her never tipping and she actually phoned back to get her money back. So I have been adding everything from laxatives to bits of shit from the street to her order in the hope that she will not order from us anymore. She must be some dumb fuck because she`s still ordering from us! She questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1071532215436252762003-12-16T00:50:00.000+01:002003-12-16T00:51:06.483+01:00Fairly quiet evening at the restaurant; I guess most of our customers are going to leave their Xmas dinner till Xmas eve. We`ve already got 8 table bookings for that day! Nothing exciting to report tonight... sorry!questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1071444444427168242003-12-15T00:27:00.000+01:002003-12-15T00:28:13.983+01:00On my delivery rounds, I have noticed that some of the locals have made an effort with their Xmas lights around their homes; much more impressive than the London Xmas illuminations. So I decided to drive my girlfriend around to view them tonight. If the customers have bothered to splash out on their decorations then it`s a good sign that you`re going to get a decent tip off them. Next week will questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1071365631469816862003-12-14T02:33:00.000+01:002003-12-14T02:34:40.170+01:00Here`s a good party game idea, I was watching a group of customers playing this after their meal tonight. You need a metal key which has been in the fridge for some time (they gave us the key to put in our fridge before their meal). Tie this key to the end of a long piece of string. Then the diners have to stand in line and each thread the key through their undergarments. It was hilarious to questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1071284295307012922003-12-13T03:58:00.000+01:002003-12-13T03:59:03.436+01:00Restaurant life is more than just food and waiters. It`s about the lives of the diners too. A single dad came in to eat with his 10 year old daughter and I caught bits of their conversation as I was serving them. The pair were enjoying their time together and were laughing and joking at first. Then the young girl asked her dad why he and mum weren`t together anymore. There was a pause and then questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1071185805790397532003-12-12T00:36:00.000+01:002003-12-12T00:37:32.920+01:00Number 28, I have some good news and some bad news for you tonight. Good news is that your motor-cycle was saved due to you tipping me 20 pence for your delivery order. I was planning on putting super-glue in the ignition hole but then you decided to let me keep the 20 pence change from your order. So I left your bike alone. As for the bad news; I syringed some urine into your curry dish. I didnquestionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1071098711853625392003-12-11T00:25:00.000+01:002003-12-11T00:25:57.483+01:00A tip for you Masked Waiter trainees; it`s all in the preparation. 99% of my revenge tactics are prepared at home. For example, I bottle up my urine and spunk mix at home. Save all your used cotton buds like I do. Cut out all the corners of your used envelopes to make small sachets in which to hold your dandruff, shaving debris or other dry type grime. It saves messing about in the car and also questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1071012339972842052003-12-10T00:25:00.000+01:002003-12-10T12:19:31.966+01:00I haven`t done this for a while; took out my cock and rubbed the head against each prawn cracker a scum had ordered. Hope you guys reading this don`t think it`s some kind of strange fetish I`ve got! You could say that my dick is my side-kick in the fight against scum. Without it, I wouldn`t have come up with half the ingenious methods of revenge (“come up” being the words to note there!)questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1070926812085705922003-12-09T00:40:00.000+01:002003-12-09T00:40:55.700+01:00Starting to get the group parties in the restaurant in the run up to Xmas. Tonight we had the local babminton team in. Since I miss out on all the parties with my mates I try to share the joy of the parties with the customers. A bit sad I know but you get some really good groups of people in here. At least every party is different and I don`t need to get any gifts! questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1070838534199803882003-12-08T00:08:00.000+01:002003-12-09T00:09:06.186+01:00Big thanks to those who sent me mail; both of you!
Drunkard writes:
Dear Masked Waiter,
Big fan. Huge. I think your techniques are quite professional and I do have a suggestion. Rat Poison. No, not for all. But for that special stupid fuck who doesn't seem to make the connection of "being rude/not tipping" with "ten straight cases of food poisoning". Population Control with Purpose--questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1070758517683458382003-12-07T01:55:00.000+01:002003-12-09T00:43:12.873+01:00I bought some syringes from the pharmacy this afternoon. Thought they`d come in handy for keeping my batches of urine, spunk mix, and my other bodily produced concoctions.
The tipping has generally got better this week. Most customers tend to be extra generous near the Xmas period. There are, however, the few Scrooges. Hope they fucking drop dead over Xmas!
questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1070670391898937302003-12-06T01:26:00.000+01:002003-12-06T01:27:12.640+01:00Scum number one, I had me some fun,
Spat in his soup and the job was done,
Scum number two, what should I do?
Shove a bud in my ass and get me some poo,
Wipe it on your chicken dish, chick chick chick,
Then you get it on your lips, lick lick lick,
So many scums as tight as a noose,
So many scums get to taste my dick juice.
Just in case you were wondering, yes I did do those things tonight! Just questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1070581321236580872003-12-05T00:42:00.000+01:002003-12-05T00:42:40.903+01:00Some scum gave me the exact amount to the penny (£14.95) after I delivered their meal to them in the fucking rain! So I just stood at their porch, looked at the money in my hand, then looked at them. I stood there for a while; it seemed like ages. They didn`t give me anything more but I just wanted to make them squirm. When they eat their laxative laced take-away they`ll be squirming even more!questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1070495586528199002003-12-04T00:53:00.000+01:002003-12-04T00:53:45.700+01:00I flossed my teeth and put the bits from the floss into a scum`s rice before delivering it to them. Also scraped the tartar from behind my teeth and wiped it on their prawn crackers. I`ve already got a couple of emails from some readers and I will publish and answer them this Sunday (it should be on Monday`s entry). Thanks for the response.questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1070410053090761852003-12-03T01:07:00.000+01:002003-12-03T01:08:11.153+01:00An ex-policeman came in for a meal with tonight and surprisingly we got on quite well! I was telling him about customers who had refused to pay after their meal. He told me that I have the power to make a citizen`s arrest in such a situation as it constitutes to theft. In the past, when we called for the pigs, they just gave the cheating scum a warning and let them go without paying! The questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1070324753283324002003-12-02T01:25:00.000+01:002003-12-02T01:26:30.090+01:00A new law comes into force from today. If you are caught using a mobile phone while driving then you are liable for a £30 fine, up to £2500 if you are driving a lorry or bus. About fucking time too! I hate it when I`m driving behind some dickhead who is on his mobile and driving at crawling speed! I usually put on my fog lights to make their ride as uncomfortable as they are making mine. questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1070236279393558632003-12-01T00:51:00.000+01:002003-12-01T00:51:54.873+01:00Is there a question you`d like to ask me? Have you any comments on my weblog? Or do you just want to have a pop at me? Well here`s your chance. You can send me your questions and comments to maskedwaiter@hotmail.com. If I get enough feedback I`ll try to respond to them on this site for you. Hope to hear from you!questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1070157789807193792003-11-30T03:03:00.000+01:002003-11-30T03:03:45.043+01:00I was looking through my list of non-tipping scum and I noticed a good majority of them don`t order anymore. That shows what a good job I am doing as the Masked Waiter. Now if I could get any scum reading this to change their ways then this blog has been worthwhile. Don`t think that if you`re not eating in London then you`re safe, there are mirror Masked Waiters everywhere!questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1070068642822749402003-11-29T02:17:00.000+01:002003-11-29T17:30:29.466+01:00I was doing my delivery rounds when I saw a motorcyclist standing next to his smashed up bike on the road. His bike was totally wreaked and the bollard in the middle of the road was also smashed. I guess he must have crashed it into a bollard because there was no other vehicle nearby. He was trying to flag down others to help him but no one was stopping. I was slowing my car to see how I could questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1069977524119462022003-11-28T00:58:00.000+01:002003-11-28T01:06:08.716+01:00That scummy kid who has been coming in lately (see Tuesday 4th November entry) to pick up his order decided to get a delivery tonight. He ordered a can of coke which I smuggled into the toilet and dipped the end you drink from into the toilet basin. I wiped the excess water off with toilet paper and put it back into his order. Next, I coughed up some phlegm into his curry dish. Finally, I added questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1069893603948020962003-11-27T01:40:00.000+01:002003-11-27T01:40:52.013+01:00How to get a good tip:
1. Always make an effort to remember the customers` names. I even recognise some customers from their voice on the phone.
2. Always say please and thank you when serving.
3. Deliver the orders of regular tippers first. They will be especially happy if they`ve been told that there would be quite a wait for their order but discover that they get it within minutes.
4. If your questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1069804092824586202003-11-26T00:48:00.000+01:002003-11-26T00:48:43.373+01:00I noticed the chef had left a bucket of uncooked ribs in the store-room. When a scum ordered a delivery, I took their box of chicken and pineapple into the store-room and spooned some blood from the bottom of the bucket into the box. I was careful not to forget to stir it in. Come to think of it, there is another scum who is a vegetarian. This would be a fitting punishment for him. I wonder if questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1069716813122938502003-11-25T00:33:00.000+01:002003-11-25T00:34:02.966+01:00Everyone tipped me tonight! 100% result! I salute each and everyone of you, thanks to numbers 2, 8, 16, 21, 62, and 275. I know you readers want a bit of revenge to start the week but I`m sorry to disappoint tonight. questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1069630156738290072003-11-24T00:29:00.000+01:002003-11-24T00:29:45.610+01:00My private life actually makes boring reading, unlike my life as the Masked Waiter. I`m sure you don`t want to hear about what I did on my day off today so here`s a waiter joke instead.
A waiter is using a pair of tongs to serve a diner`s spagetti when the man notices a piece of string attached to the waiter`s trouser zip.
“Why do you have a piece of string tied to your zip?” he enquires.
“Oh!”questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1069549572721174592003-11-23T02:06:00.000+01:002003-11-23T18:03:41.123+01:00It didn`t stop raining all night. I dipped some scum`s lid from his order into a puddle and then replaced it back onto his container. On another order, I soaked a tissue in a puddle and then squeezed it into a scum`s chowmein.
Back at the restaurant some wanker was being quite rude to me. Basically he was trying to show off in front of his girlfriend. Everytime he ordered a drink, I just used a questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1069463299977874302003-11-22T02:08:00.000+01:002003-11-22T02:08:47.106+01:00What do you do if there is a couple who regularly order, the husband is a very generous tipper but the wife is a scummy blood-sucking bitch? Well, this is what I encountered a few weeks ago. I found that when the husband came to pay at the door, I would get a decent tip but when it came to his wife`s turn at the door, not only would she give nothing extra but she would complain about the order asquestionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1069371999760290252003-11-21T00:46:00.000+01:002003-11-21T00:47:05.500+01:00My feet were getting a bit cold so I took out a scum`s fried prawn balls and rubbed them against the soles of my feet, de-socked off course. I also stuck a couple of their prawn crackers under my armpits.
questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1069289953252729512003-11-20T01:59:00.000+01:002003-11-20T01:59:37.716+01:00Oh dear number 9! You said you were never going to order from us again! So why did you make a delivery order tonight? Did you think I`d forgotten about you? How could I forget such loathsome scum? I`d be surprise if you don`t suffer any kind of food poisoning tonight because I messed up your meal real good! Let`s just say it involved my shit and your beef dishes. questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1069197962768810692003-11-19T00:26:00.000+01:002003-11-19T00:26:26.746+01:00I had a lot of beanshoots for my dinner which gave me very bad wind. When a regular non-tipper came in for a meal with his girlfriend I gently let off some rectum gas near his table whilst they were eating. The smell didn`t hit them straightaway so I was able to make my getaway and watch the reaction from afar. One moment they were enjoying their meal, then the girlfriend was the first to put herquestionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1069111669026065542003-11-18T00:27:00.000+01:002003-11-18T13:45:26.716+01:00Very quiet night at the restaurant tonight. A couple came in and had the whole place to themselves. The husband decided to serenade his wife with a ballad after the meal. I joked that we charged extra for any singing in the restaurant. I know, I`m such a wit!
A big thanks to all those who have mentioned this blog on their sites. I`m afraid I don`t know how to add links to my blog so I can`t questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1069026857141813092003-11-17T00:54:00.000+01:002003-11-17T00:54:39.483+01:00Just like Peter Parker I too am a keen photographer. I am hoping that this is my ticket out of the waitering life. I have to say my photograghic skills are quite good. I`ve made it my aim to be a professional photographer by the end of next year. It`s a shame I can`t post any photos on this blog because I can`t afford the full package blog. I would`ve love to show you pictures of what I did to questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1068947768235271362003-11-16T02:56:00.000+01:002003-11-16T02:56:28.890+01:00The new delivery driver is learning fast! He was telling me about spitting in a scum`s order. I`ll have to teach him a few more tricks. By the way, if any of you scums think that complaining to the manager will resolve things you are so wrong! The manager knows what we get up to and he is behind us all the way. He even dishes out a bit of his own justice on rude customers himself! We all suffer questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1068858305963168792003-11-15T02:05:00.000+01:002003-11-15T02:05:26.310+01:00I fucking hate accountants! One of the scums on my hit list is an accountant and she ordered a delivery last week. When she tried to pay by cheque I explained to her that we have a surcharge of £1 for cheque payments because the banks charge a fee for depositing cheques into the business account. She came in today and told the manager that she checked with the bank and found that the fee they questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1068769525987304622003-11-14T01:25:00.000+01:002003-11-14T01:25:45.060+01:00Some pig van (that`s a police van) was following me on one of my delivery rounds. I had put a nail under a scum`s car tyre earlier tonight so I thought that the pigs were onto me. Imagine that, the Masked Waiter in the cells! The van even parked up behind me when I returned to the restaurant. Then they got out of the van and walked towards me. I was just worried that they might want to check the questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1068679540387974432003-11-13T00:25:00.000+01:002003-11-13T00:25:37.606+01:00Due to the excessive runny nose I`ve been suffering lately, the skin around my nostrils is peeling. I peeled off these flakes and put them in a scum`s rice. I also put my empty bottle of cough medicine to good use. I made a concoction of urine, sock juice and sperm. My last spunk mix became too frothy because the aperture of the bottle top was too small and there was too much sperm to water ratioquestionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1068596192593645102003-11-12T01:16:00.000+01:002003-11-12T01:16:30.080+01:00Time to broaden your language skills readers, your first lesson in Cantonese. Here are some words you need to learn:
Ho mei = Delicious
Dor tse = Thank you
Siu cheung = Tip
Hau = mouth
Shui = water
Hau shui = saliva (mouth water)
Liu = urine
Diu lei, koo hong jung = fuck you, tight scum
questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1068509752868113342003-11-11T01:15:00.000+01:002003-11-11T01:15:50.500+01:00Because we are getting busier nearer the Christmas period, the manager has decided to hire an extra delivery driver. He just started today and I wasted no time in passing on my tactics for revenge on non-tippers. I may even share my hit list with him later on. So never think you are safe if you get a new delivery driver!questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1068420194291575082003-11-10T00:23:00.000+01:002003-11-10T01:29:27.750+01:00I went to watch Kill Bill at the cinema today. Great movie! The principal character of the movie gets treated like dirt by a bunch of scum. After a few years, the victim decides to make a hit list and start taking nasty revenge on each one of the scum. Sound like anyone you know? Tarantino, you`re a plagiarist!questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1068341409246878012003-11-09T02:30:00.000+01:002003-11-09T02:30:07.073+01:00I`ve got a runny nose and have been coughing all night. I think I`m coming down with something. I blew some snot onto a scum`s soup. Then I coughed in another`s rice. If I have to suffer having a cold then I`m bringing down as many scum`s as I can.questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1068253801049824152003-11-08T02:10:00.000+01:002003-11-08T02:09:59.180+01:00I don`t believe it! Another bitch has checked my calculations and noticed that I added the extra pound on her bill. Are they reading this blog or is the word getting around? Just in case you bitches think you`ve got the better of me, I spat in your sweet and sour sauce as well. Also, remember I know where you live!
questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1068161726705972422003-11-07T00:35:00.000+01:002003-11-07T01:38:32.373+01:00Some non-tipping bitch made an order and asked for a price over the phone so I added a pound on top of her total. When I arrived at the house with the order she told me I got the price wrong and gave me a cheque for the correct amount. So I gave her some cock and bull story about the restaurant charging a pound for cheque payments. She did give me a pound but not without complaining to me about questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1068076057146813032003-11-06T00:47:00.000+01:002003-11-06T00:47:35.206+01:00I took one of my used cotton buds and stuck it up my arse-hole! If you`re trying this out for yourselves, make sure it`s pitch black and you`re parked in a secluded area! Mr Non-tipper at number 66, just to let you know I then stuck that cotton bud in your szechuan beef dish and stirred it around a bit. questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1067990204679098072003-11-05T00:56:00.000+01:002003-11-05T00:56:42.540+01:00I went to the local garage to fill up my car and recognised the rude attendant from my last visit (See Friday October 24). After filling up I made sure I got the right amount of cash but I made sure that it was all in small change. When the attendant told me the amount due, I began to place the coins one by one right across the counter, first to the left, then one to the right, then one by my questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1067902624097160572003-11-04T00:37:00.000+01:002003-11-04T00:37:02.380+01:00Some scummy kid has wised up. He has been coming to pick up his order lately instead of having it delivered. Thanks kid I do appreciate it, instead of wasting my time delivering to scum like you I could be be getting more tippers in my delivery rounds now. However, I`m afraid that your address will still remain on my hit list, just in case you decide to have a delivery in future. The only way to questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1067817876423177582003-11-03T01:04:00.000+01:002003-11-04T11:43:31.336+01:00Bit of waiter news I found whilst browsing the net today:
A former waiter in a Glasgow restaurant has been awarded more than £33,000 after being victimised because he is a Pakistani Muslim. Wajid Zia, 29, was the victim of cruel jibes, name-calling and humiliating behaviour because of his race. His bosses at the restaurant were Indian Sikhs.
Just goes to show racism is not just exclusive to the questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1067736081418054742003-11-02T02:21:00.000+01:002003-11-02T02:21:20.246+01:00Firstly, I noted on the news this morning that a pensioner of 73 suffered a heart attack and died after chasing some youths who threw eggs at his window after he refused to open the door for them last night. How many have to die before the government put an end to this harrassment?
On a more positive note, there was only one offending scum tonight, number 7. I poured the remainder of my urine questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1067649311915219512003-11-01T02:15:00.000+01:002003-11-01T02:15:10.870+01:00People were taking longer than usual to open their doors when I delivered because they were checking that I wasn`t a trick or treater first! I feel sorry for the old people who are almost held to ransom by some of these young hoodlums. Then we`ve got a whole month of fireworks going off endlessly. How do the kids manage to afford to get so many fireworks? questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1067557629774823262003-10-31T00:47:00.000+01:002003-10-31T00:47:08.420+01:00I was in one of those funny moods again today. Kept thinking about where I was in my life. Believe me, it was depressing! I don`t want to be the Masked Waiter till middle-age, I would end up a very bitter man! As from now I will try to better myself and get out of the waitering business. Adding urine to a scum`s dinner is fun but it`s not what I call job satisfaction. questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1067470455888360062003-10-30T00:34:00.000+01:002003-10-30T00:34:14.190+01:00On my delivery rounds, I was driving behind someone who decided to throw his crap out of his window. I guess he must be near his home since he was turning into a side-road so I followed him to see where he lived. Sure enough he parked outside his house. I made a mental note of his car and address, then returned to the restaurant to pick up my next order.
Later on in the night, I returned to the questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1067387633612482952003-10-29T01:33:00.000+01:002003-10-29T01:33:52.690+01:00Joke for today;
A flat-chested woman was delighted when her fairy-god mother said her breasts would increase in size each time a man says "Pardon" to her.
She walked down the sidewalk, accidentally bumped into a man and he said,"Pardon me." Her breasts instantly grew an inch and she was ecstatic.
The next day, she bumped into a man in the grocery store, he begged her pardon and another inch wasquestionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1067297580928852852003-10-28T00:33:00.000+01:002003-10-28T00:33:00.153+01:00Yes! There is a God! The scum with the fat girlfriend who got away without tipping last time (see Friday Oct 17) came in again tonight. Firstly I licked the spoons that went into their curry sauce and their sweet and sour sauce. Then when they asked for the bill, I added £1 onto the total. I don`t care that the £1 doesn`t go to me, but I`d rather it go to the manager than have the scum get away questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1067217507287343302003-10-27T02:18:00.000+01:002003-10-27T17:42:18.953+01:00So some of you are still unconvinced that waiters take revenge against scum who don`t tip. Well why not test it? Try tipping next time and see if the service is any different. Did you get your order quicker than usual? Were the waiters more polite? More importantly, is it the first time you didn`t have the runs after your meal?
I went shopping today and came across a rude prick. I was trying to questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1067129581286424792003-10-26T02:53:00.000+02:002003-10-26T02:53:00.430+02:00Saw a bunch of kids messing around with fireworks. They were lighting them and throwing them into the street bins! I don`t know why the shops sell them to kids. In the past, I`ve even seen some kid throw one into an unlocked car. If they tried that with me I`d hunt them down one by one! questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1067041473953583032003-10-25T02:24:00.000+02:002003-10-25T02:24:33.636+02:00A gang of kids were causing trouble in the supermarket next to our restaurant and the doorman locked some of them in the store. The few locked in went wild and started trashing the store and the ones outside were banging on the windows. I guess the manager must have called the police because after an hour, the pigs finally arrived. Turned out to be a waste of time calling the pigs because they questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1066949014124868842003-10-24T00:43:00.000+02:002003-10-24T00:43:33.680+02:00Don`t you just hate rude service? I went to fill up my car after I noticed I was a bit low on fuel. After filling up at a petrol station, I went to the kiosk to pay. I greeted the attendant with a hello but he just ignored me completely! Then when he had to give me back my change, he put it down on the counter eventhough my hand was out-stretched in front of him! I made a note of the attendant soquestionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1066862693919408812003-10-23T00:44:00.000+02:002003-10-23T00:44:53.616+02:00I had to refill my bottle of urine today. After having a glass of milk in the morning, I noticed that there was a milky smell in the urine. More calcium content for the scums who don`t tip!
Almost got caught out tonight; I parked around the corner from a scum`s house to add some sock juice to his order, and then he walked passed my car with his dog! Luckily I was just finishing off and had just questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1066774011778285522003-10-22T00:06:00.000+02:002003-10-22T00:06:51.833+02:00There is a regular customer who runs his own agency and he often claimed to be able to get me another job. He often told me to visit his office anytime to see what he can do for me. I was quite grateful for his offer to help and would always treat him to a free beer when he came into the restaurant. However, it was difficult for me to find the time off to see him during the week. Finally, I did questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1066690600339686942003-10-21T00:56:00.000+02:002003-10-21T00:56:39.706+02:00There`s a flaky theme to tonight`s punishments. In one scum`s take-away order I flicked flakes of my earwax into their meal. In another`s I pealed some flakes of loose skin from my nose and deposited them on their rice. Then to the third offender, I shook so much dandruff onto their dish that I had to stir it in to conceal the evidence.questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1066606920759211982003-10-20T01:42:00.000+02:002003-10-20T01:42:00.346+02:00Non-eventful day off, so here`s a joke instead.
Waiter asks two diners, "Tea or coffee gentlemen?"
"I`ll have tea," says the first customer.
"Me too," adds the second, "and make sure my glass is clean!"
So the waiter returns a little later with both teas. "Two teas," he announced, "who asked for the clean glass again?"
questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1066521197788079162003-10-19T01:53:00.000+02:002003-10-19T01:53:17.210+02:00A scum ordered a delivery on Thursday night but I didn`t do anything to her meal that night. I thought I`d wait a couple of days to give her a special surprise. On my delivery rounds, I took an egg with me and went to her house. As noted, her car was parked on her driveway. Still inside my car, I wound down my window, threw the egg onto her windscreen, and made my getaway. You see, if I had done questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5544971.post-1066435150286075202003-10-18T01:59:00.000+02:002003-10-18T01:59:09.613+02:00Now that the nights are getting darker earlier I can get down to my work as the Masked Waiter earlier. A few weeks ago, I would have had to wait till at least 8pm before it was dark enough for me to mess with the scums` orders in my car for fear of being spotted. Tonight I was shoving my hand down my pants, scratching my balls, then wiping them on some scum`s prawn balls, well before 7pm. questionerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12599693537429362527noreply@blogger.com